Irreconcilable Differences

One thing is to feel it in your gut, to know it in your brain, to hear it from your heart that love is no longer there and that your relationship is no longer ONE.

One thing is to acknowledge opinions of friends or even to compare you reality towards the reality of your friends and people you know to understand your own reality. Another, is to hear it directly from an unbiased opinion of your therapist. A clear message of the incompatibility of your relationship, of the dysfunction you been living for so long, the difference of character, expectations, definitions of life, love and values.

How blind can love make you that takes you so long to figure out that? How many disappointments you must live to understand this? Don't understand life! Don't understand my head and my heart. I don't blame my husband, we both failed this project of life, we want two different things from life, but we care about each other to know that there is a friendship that can be saved if we STOP now.

I need him and want him as my friend, no one knows me better than him, he is the father of our son, he is the only family I have here besides my child. I need to make this friendship work beyond this separation and possible divorce. I need to be there for him as this relationship with him will teach a lot about respect to our boy.

I need to believe and be strong about the fact that two people can drift apart and be friends. I hope he finds happiness elsewhere and perhaps me as well. I just don't know that it possible for me, I feel so out of it, so unprepared, so cheated by my own perceptions of LOVE and LIFE.

I am not only in a stage of irreconcilable differences with my husband, but my own life, my own definitions, I learned a lot but still feel I don't know much, but to cry non stop for all that I am hurting, I cry because all this things are unfolding and I can't stop them, they are moving my life to a place of peace but it HURTS and RIPS my heart in pieces.

This is the age where all is suppose to work on the "happily ever after mode" and I am going backwards, and I need to start all over again. Perhaps the sunlight will shine again and I know it will, but until it does I must walk the dark patch alone and lonely, I know God is here, but even to him I feel I failed, and I am sorry for that.

I am only human.