In February 2017 I sat down in an interview for a "praxis plass" via the unemployment office, I was worn down after having lost my job due to the so-called oil crisis in 2015, this was to be my second practical non-paid internship in these past 18 months unemployment period, but all was better than being idle at home waiting for the market to bounce back and have again job opportunities. The very nice man who interviewed me asked me what were my dreams. I sat there facing him, feeling how the color of my face started to turn red with shame because at that moment I knew that before I could answer, the tears were heading out before my voice could utter a smart answer that would get me the internship. I burst out crying, trying to hide sobs that had to be swallowed to not embarrass myself more. After I composed myself, I answered that I had been busy trying to survive, raise and provide for me and my kid that I have forgotten what drams were. That I had no professional dreams anymore...
The reality is that I did have dreams but those dreams where crashed like anything else I've tried to do to get ahead of my own reality. Time and economical resources had always been the determined factors on putting things on hold. During my unemployment time, my dreams to educate myself were put to rest as the system doesn't allow the unemployed to study without losing unemployment benefits something that alone and with a child, I couldn't afford.
I spent the last two years searching the internet for things and courses I could take, again, time, money and fear kept me away. When my son turned 14 the equation suddenly changed, time was more available, and the economic burden although still present it had been greatly reduced as I had dedicated the last 2 years on paying my debts and finally securing credit for the purchase of my first flat.
I decide to apply for an online course on digitalization and effectivization with NTNU. What a warm feeling I got when my application was accepted. Me in the "school bench again", this time digital school bench. As the course started I soon started to feel like a sardine in a tank of sharks. What seems so effortless for others, requires repetitive reading for me, over and over again I go through the same pages, constant dictionary use, afraid that I will be lost in translation, and needless to say a lot of work goes in writing what is mandatory to post in the discussion boards if one wants to be allowed to present the exam. I repeat myself that I will comply with the requirements in the best of my abilities and I will present that exam, knowing well that I do not have the same level of education that most on that course, that I have not been in school since graduation in 1996, that I have the disadvantage of having learning difficulties added to the barrier of language, as this is my third language which I started to learn as a grown-up over the age of 30. I am focused on the now and proud of myself for the courage to dare to be this sardine, and the swimming laps that up to now I have taken, I know that no one is here to eat me alive, the secret is to continue swimming which is the only challenge.
Despite of my arguments, it is clear to me that the rewards of learning are for anyone to grab. The mind is constantly busy reflecting on the texts read and the ideas shared. Perhaps what they say is true, "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear" and what a great teacher I have.
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