About dreams of love

When did I stopped dreaming? Was it when reality took control of my life, and all dreams were crushed to the ground? Was it when my hair started to show silver strings, and my face a wrinkle or two? Was it when I saw my youth leaving me behind faster than what I could understand myself again in a new age? Or, Was it when I lost my job, my flat and the things that I identified with?


I have never stopped dreaming, but I have become a careful dreamer, while I became perhaps more present in my own present, in my life and the experiences I've been seeking or that came my way. With the years I have little by little builded up new dreams and goals to elevate my experience of living.

The mountain was always a dream in my childhood and youth, a place where I become something I didn't know before I could be, for I am woman of the desert, the mountain returned to me a sense of belonging to earth, rather than living in my bubble of dreams that didn't relate to my reality. Challenging myself in many ways, specially on the matter of living in the now, not worrying about what may happen, if it may happen, not attaching my heart to unreachable ideas and finding the most amazing joy in the interaction with nature. A place of  unstaged beauty and a place of thought.

The top of a mountain is the realisation of a dream, a childhood dream of being close to a mountain, a dream that now I get to live and fulfill, never taking for granted the moment where the soul and the body face the grandeur of effort, execution, possibility, weakness, perseverance and fulfilment. Yes, it's impossible  not to feel hope at the top of the world and while projecting our lives across the horizon of an unblocked view, even from the most simple tops of the world. It is impossible to reach a sumit and not be touched in the heart with the  longing of a hidden dream, suppressed in the vault where we keep our wildest desires and expectations.

Perhaps the dream of a soul mate has been carefully and unconsciously sabotaged by my choices, for I am different that I ever was, and as a result who I need in my life is different than I could ever hope 5 years ago or even six months ago.

I had a night dream a couple a months ago,  a thought was present in my sleep, that perhaps is no longer me life is working on anymore, perhaps the waiting is for life  to finish working on him, that someone for me who needs to be ready.

How we will meet? Well that is another story of day dreaming, but I have to start somewhere, so I started once more online dating, knowing well the troubles that this can cause, but there is a different mind set, for I have no rush, no desperate need to be fulfilled, but I am aware that if I am to find a Fjellmann is very unlikely that we will be hiking on the same mountain at the same time. Out there, there is someone, the one I will recognise by true essence and not by the filter of a dreamy wish.

Who knows this time around it may happen online.



From Foreneset
09.10.2015