#tbt Fatherhood / A few weeks ago I was asked why don't you come home for one year, no need to worry about bills or anything else, we will take care of you both, Geir can surely spare you for one year... I said impossible right there and then. As tempting as the idea was, as certain as the care and love we would get, as sure as I know the loneliness and emptiness accumulated during the years in Norway would disappear for a while at least for me, my motherhood is also about making sure my son is around his dad. I must confess the offer was/is tempting yet provoked me as well feelings of being a loser who after all these years haven't been able to get her act together, someone who needs to be rescued.
My heart at times longs for a place to breathe, the struggling roads have now been with me for a long while, 16 years that is, but I know that breathing place is neither home in Mexico, nor by finding a convenient loveless marriage/cohabitation relationship possibility in order to have a better life (beyond renting the attic of my ex husband home, that is).
A little job here and there, hopefully schooling either this autumn or next year, changing my destiny day by day building again up on the foundations of who I am which are rock solid. I may not have much certainty now about how my life will turn out to be after this last patch but these two people together give me one clear certainty: that my motherhood privileges go beyond trying to be a good mother, that motherhood also means when possible, protecting others priviliges, specially those of father and son, the price of compromising a fatherhood that functions well to fulfill my own woman agenda carries a price I do not wish pay.
I know well these two support what I am trying now to accomplish in the following years. I guess the three of us are after all well aware that though not together we are still somehow a family united by one of the greatest privileges in this life: parenthood.
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